House Repossessions Of The Rich And Famous – Nicolas Cage

It would seem that the financial crisis is hitting more than just the little people these days. In the last year or so there’s been a marked increase in house repossessions of the rich and famous – Nicolas Cage being the most talked about. Presumably this relates to the fact that he either:

  • A – appears to have been on a cyclical journey of spend some, spend more … spend it all (hell yeah!)
  • or B – he’s had bad financial advice from his financial advisor (oops)

Nicolas Cage

Across the pond – where most of the better known celebrities dwell – a repossessed home is known as a foreclosure. The deal is about the same – you borrow money to buy a property, you don’t keep up with the mortgage repayments, in swoops the bank and … it’s all over. You’re foreclosed, repossessed, sans house and absolutely sans your hard earned rep.

If you’re Nicolas Cage that is. For the likes of you and me, no one really cares about where our millions have gone or what we’ve done with them because – well … we didn’t have millions in the first place.  And even if we did – we wouldn’t have blown it on fast living, thrill seeking nonsense and homes so large you could house enough people and animals to fill Noah’s Ark … twice over.

A modern replica of Noah’s Ark. And no Mr Cage – it’s not for sale.

No – we’d have been a bit more sensible. We’d have bought a nice, fashionable detached suburban home, in a leafy, picturesque street. We would (we’ve got millions right?) have filled with all the latest modern conveniences, installed under floor heating (the UK weather is unpredictable so … justified) and probably stretched to a few little unnecessary luxuries in keeping with our bank accounts.

Four washing machines are definitely classed as unnecessary. Still – what’s good enough for Nicolas Cage. These are in his Spanish Trails home.

What’s unnecessary is his kitchen? Those three stools. Way over the top.

Maybe a hot tub for six, a solidly stocked wine rack and (whoop whoop) one part-time house maid. Not a full-timer mind – that’s a step too far for an Englishman but you know … wandering down to the local and dropping ‘sod the housework – that’s what we employ Mavis for. You know … our house maid?’ into conversation over a pint of good red wine is absolutely the right way to crow about our good (though imagined) fortune.

That kind of thing. We’d have stayed away from anything ostentatious (bright red Ferrari’s and crystal chandeliers) or anything too – obvious (£50 notes and a hair weave) simply because we’re sensible, we’re British – and we’re not bloody stupid.

Nicola Cage isn’t British – he’s American. Being American  isn’t mutally exclusive with being stupid either. That appears to be a trait that trancends culture – it’s entirely dependant upon nature. By nature Nicolas Cage got looks, charisma and the ability to act his way to global recognition, millions in the bank – and a rather unhealthy (I presume) attitude towards value for money.

Nicolas Cage was blessed by Nature – he’s pretty, talented and … brim full of ‘hell yeah!’

It appears that he’s blown millions on living it large. We’re talking huge – mind blowingly huge. Now – why he’s done so is anyone’s guess – his financial advisor Samuel Levine has been reported as saying that he advised Mr Cage against his penchant for spending money like he owned the Federal Reserve.

However, the rich and famous live ostentatious lives at the best of times and – judging by the global recession – at the worst of them too. Does that qualify as being stupid? I’d say it’s at least very silly and incredibly frivolous.

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Nicolas Cage denies he’s going (or gone) broke. Bit mean IMO – he was nice enough to sign autographs then someone got personal. The down side to celebrity – folks think they know you well enough to … talk to you. When I hit the big time I’m not talking to no one – no how.

It’s also what makes us judge celebrities as being just a little bit foolish. We’ve all heard the saying – a fool and his money are soon parted. I reckon it’s time to bring the well known phrase up to speed, give it a little polish in keeping with modern times …

a tool and his money are soon parted – especially when he takes bad advice and buys more homes that a man needs hot dinners

Long winded I know but – you get the picture. At one point Nicolas Cage owned a whopping 15 homes. Now we all know that you can only ever (truly) live in one at a time – it’s impossible to be everywhere at once.

I base this upon a divine analysis. Of God. For all the omnipotence He’s supposed to possess He doesn’t hang out in all the homes he’s got dotted around the globe – no matter what the faithful believe.

Let’s face it – we’re mere mortals and the best we can come up with is dark, atmospheric buildings full of symbols, cranky organs and really uncomfortable seating. God wants Peace On Earth and don’t forget that he said:

Let there be light – God

Of which the average church is sadly lacking. And the peaceful part is subjective – according to what denomination you follow and how you interpret it. So if God ain’t doing it – I’m figuring we of the mortal state don’t stand a chance.

Similar to the average Church Sacristy. Only this is an interior shot of one of Nicolas Cage’s former homes. God probably has more taste.

Devine analysis aside; I do believe Nicolas Cage to have been a property investor, rather than a complete idiot. Unfortunately – and this goes for the rich and famous and the likes of you and me – home ownership requires the owner/s to pay taxes.

Forget Devine Analysis – house repossessions occur when you ignore Levine protagonists.

The UK and the US both require that certain levies are paid for the privilege (gone are the days when a house kept the wolves from the door – now they don’t bother knocking, they just enter by way of a bill on the door mat) and the bigger the property – the bigger the burden taxes.

It’s the taxes – and presumably his carefree spending – that have tripped Nicolas Cage up. That and the fall in property values. Now – depending on who you believe – he either thought he could afford his lifestyle (because his financial advisor advised him that he could) or he just went crazy.

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This is what it sounds like when Nicolas Cage goes crazy. A little different to spending money but you know – crazy is as crazy does. As for what he says (it’s a little fuzzy) it amounts to several ‘get the f*** off me’ rants, one about ´respect my f***ing eyes’ *shrugs* and a few more threats relating to what he’s gonna do if …

Over the last couple of years he’s found himself taxed to the point that he’s had to offload his homes as a means of repaying what he owes. Unfortunately – most folks don’t have film star bank accounts.

Hell most folks don’t have bank accounts that match the D list guys. If we’re lucky we have the kind of money that the guys that tell Nicolas Cage he’s wonderful possess. So saying that when some of his homes have been up for sale, they haven’t sold.

That led to the Men In Banks foreclosing on the properties. Why? Well that’s the easy bit – he owed money, they wanted some, and don’t forget the Tax Man wanted his cut. Just like the Grim Reaper – the Tax Man never lets anyone bargain his way out of the inevitable.

The Men In Banks – they exist, they want their money – and they’re coming to a house near you – soon.

Now – I don’t know about you but I always figured guys like Nicolas Cage were raking it in. Making enough moolah to buy outright. I based this opinion on how much I get charged everytime I go down to the Odeon. For the price of a good bottle of wine and a loaf of bread you get to watch Nicolas Cage in his latest movie.

But – then again – perhaps Orange Wednesdays are having a bigger impact than they were supposed to? The wrong kind. Maybe throwing around two-for-one tickets negatively impacts on box office takings – which ultimately reduces what the rich and famous get in their pay-packets every Friday?

Perhaps Nicolas Cage should also take issue with Orange? They’re undermining take home pay and … and … maybe I should shut up. I like Orange Wednesdays and I don’t give a rats ass if Hollywood A listers are down a few bucks. Last time I looked they’re weren’t cutting me any slack so …

Maybe Orange are partly responsible for house repossessions? Nah …

Anyway – here’s the irony moment – one of the last properties that Nicolas Cage had for sale didn’t do so well with the estate agents. Realtors if you’re American. From what I picked up the guys appointed to take the houses to resale weren’t overly impressed with what it was that they had to sell. Apparently Cage had turned the interior of his (former) home into a ‘frat house bordello’.

That’s American for ‘no taste’. Having seen the pictures – I have spent some time wondering just who who was responsible for the  interior decor.

The house looked like a group of bachelors, desperate for some action – had run amok with a carte blanche card, a blind interior decorator and an invitation to spend whatever they wanted down at Camden flea market. Really – it’s frightening what money can buy you. And just as frightening what it can’t.

Stunning exterior. But wait – that’s the outside.

There are no words … Oh yes there is – Magnolia!

Lose the Dragon, the furniture, everything else and you’ve got an … empty room. Bad taste sucks.

Just when you thought is was safe to enter the water. No escape.  Sheesh.

Having failed to sell by way of the usual route, the Tudor pile turned up at a property auction. And even then – it didn’t make the sale it was pitched at. The actual figure hasn’t been disclosed but – instead of selling for somewhere above 25 million, it’s reported that it  didn’t quite make 10. That’s some reductionand a lesson to those that think purple velour and whacky dragon sculptures are what sells houses for stupid money.

I’m assuming that Nicolas Cage is now languishing somewhere minus his Bel Air home. And his New Orleans one. And the one he had in Las Vegas – not to mention the castle In Bath. It seems the words (not the) National Treasure and Leaving Las Vegas (because he had to) have come home to roost. According to his former financial advisor unfortunately Cage is not known for his … financial restraint.

Over the years preceding his fall from financial grace, he blew money on crap goodies such as:

A gulf stream jet. Gimme another hell yeah!

Milford Castle – not one bath in a Castle … one whole castle in the city of Bath.

Four yachts – like this or similar. We’re not talking rubber dinghy’s here.

Nine Rolls Royce models. Almost one for every home.

  • jewelry and art work totalling millions of dollars
  • unbelievably good parties
  • and other … stuff

See – no modesty in this shopping list. Not a hot tub or a half-time house-maid in sight. No Sireee … Nicolas Cage goes large. He goes huge. He goes … stratospheric. Awesome.

So you see there’s a moral to this story. And I’m not talking about overspending (too obvious), being silly (lol) or even … I told you so! No – I’m talking about assertiveness.  Samuel Levine’s (I reckon he probably wasn’t clear enough) – and those that have managed to mess up the world’s economy. If you’ve got something to say – say it like you mean it. Don’t hide behind spin or psycho babble or BullS**ters Anonymous.

YouTube Preview ImageTell us the truth. We can handle the truth. We have a right to know exactly where all this spending has gotten us. We need a little direction. We want to know what it is we’re heading for – because most of us really don’t have a couple of million stashed in an off shore holding facility bank account – just in case you guys decide to crap on us just … a little bit more.  We have the right to plan ahead – sensibly, knowledgeably … effectively.

Just how far are the guys sat behind the desks at Whitehall and the Big Banking Institutions going to push us in order to redress their mistakes – their overspending – their big bloody global cock-up? I wish I had the answer. But I’m not the men In Banks, I’m not on the Whitehall payroll.

If I was – I wouldn’t be blasting the clowns running the banking systems and the like of Nicolas Cage for being so damn silly. I’d be telling you guys what it is you want/need to know … what the hell really happened behind closed doors that caused the likes of us to have our homes repossessed, our financial credibility left in ruins – and our futures’ so messed up that it looks like there’s a one helluva storm heading our way.

Pictures:

Wikipedia Commons – User BetacommandBot, JasonAQuest, Daily Mail UK, Realtor, WEbShots – User JenMars23, Everett Fenton Gidley,

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